Why the “Law of Attraction” is not bringing you a partner

by | Nov 23, 2023 | Inner Work | 0 comments

Are you visualizing, journaling and doing all the so-called right things with LOA to ‘attract’ a romantic relationship?

I’m not a Law of Attraction teacher, but the emotional work I do has exposed me to a lot of people experiencing pain, confusion and frustration around this subject.

From my perspective, I’ve observed a number of reasons why your efforts are producing little to no results, but they CAN be understood and diagnosed.

I talk about it more in this video here:

Often either or both of these are involved:

1) What you are visualizing is so disconnected from what your nervous system is actually comfortable with, that it turns into fantasy. 

Imagining a very realistic conversation at a coffee shop, then being asked or asking out on a first date may brings up a large amount of fear and tension in the body when closely examined. This is often the case. If any of these preliminary steps is very triggering, “visualization” of the perfect partner in your home together is too many steps removed from your comfort zone. It simply becomes a fairy-tale image in the mind.

2) You are trying to ‘raise your vibration’ by doing all of this homework, hoping to reach a hypothetical state where you are now rewarded with a relationship. This actually re-enforces you staying in the loop of not being so-called ready yet, instead of being open to finding someone to match you right now.

You absolutely can get out of this cycle.

I’ve seen it plenty of times.

I’ve had more than one client move from perpetually single to partnered or married (the latter actually describes myself, as well.) Some have gotten results just from playing with these approaches on their own.

Hope it helps!


Video Summary


For many, the journey to find love can be challenging, leading us to explore various methods and philosophies, including the popular Law of Attraction (LoA). However, when results seem elusive, it’s crucial to reevaluate our approach. In this blog post, we delve into a more grounded and practical perspective on attracting romance, moving away from the often misconstrued “relationship as a reward” paradigm.

Challenging the Traditional Framework

The traditional LoA framework implies that through extensive personal work, visualizations, and affirmations, we can align our vibrations to attract the perfect partner. This concept, although popular, may not always reflect reality. Love is inclusive and non-discriminatory; it doesn’t wait for us to reach a perfect state of healing or personal development. In fact, love is available at every stage of our journey, ready to embrace us with all our imperfections.

Embracing a Grounded Approach

Instead of fixating on the end goal of a perfect relationship, it’s more beneficial to focus on the smaller, realistic steps involved in forming a connection. Visualization can be a powerful tool, but it should be rooted in reality, addressing our genuine emotions and responses. By visualizing real-life scenarios, like engaging in a conversation at a coffee shop, we allow our nervous system to process and become comfortable with the idea of dating and relationships, creating a more tangible path towards love.

Navigating Emotional Responses

Acknowledging and working through our emotional responses is a crucial aspect of this adjusted approach. If the idea of a first date or initial conversation triggers anxiety or discomfort, it’s a sign that there are emotional blocks that need addressing. Techniques like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) can be invaluable in processing these emotions, helping to create a smoother journey towards love and connection.

Cultivating Self-Compassion

It’s essential to practice self-compassion and patience throughout this process. Relationships and the emotions they evoke are complex, and it’s okay to take gradual steps, addressing our feelings and responses one at a time. By doing so, we create a more authentic and sustainable path towards love, ensuring that when we do find a partner, the connection is rooted in reality and mutual growth.


Attracting romance using the Law of Attraction requires a shift in perspective and approach. By moving away from the “relationship as a reward” paradigm and embracing a more grounded and realistic visualization process, we open ourselves up to genuine connections. Remember, love is available to everyone, at every stage of their journey. With patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to address our emotional responses, we can create a pathway to love that is both fulfilling and sustainable.



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