The Fear of Being Seen

by | Oct 16, 2022 | Inner Work | 0 comments

We naturally crave to be seen, heard and felt.

In our youngest years, we literally require it to survive.

Some of us are in touch with this, and some of us are fortunate enough to receive it.

Others of us have had to:

  • Become numb to this desire to be seen, due to painful neglectful pasts
  • Judge it as weak or wrong, due to painful pasts or unfortunate education
  • Believe we are above it, have transcended it or just are ‘not like that,’ which in 99% of cases I have encountered ends up being avoidance or “spiritual bypass”

As well as many variations on the above themes.

Of course, visibility is also a major factor in:

  • Business, having more eyes on your products or service
  • Having more (or any) dating, relationship options
  • Getting feedback
  • Sharing your artistic works or self-expression
  • Feeling seen, understood and valued in your own partnership, family, marriage, business relationships and more.

The flip side of that of course, is that being more visible means more opportunities to be criticized, rejected, or perhaps worse – being outright ignored despite putting yourself out there.

A Goldmine

All of these levels from natural to cultural, from deep needs and desires to fears and aversions, make the subject of being seen a very high leverage area to explore.

If you think this subject doesn’t apply to you at all, it is probably even more important to you.

The less ‘stuff’ you have around this subject, the more it becomes an obvious point of power to explore.

Similar to getting some exercise, good diet or hygiene, the naturalness of addressing this aspect of relative life is simple and clear.


The Desire Side

As always, a good place to start is bringing up the subject of being seen, visibility, and noticing any charge, tension or emotion that comes up around simply desiring it.

Your aversions or past may be so intense that it’s impossible to even feel desire for it at all. If so, that’s totally OK, you just recognize this, and jump right over to the Repulsion side.

If you are able to feel your drive to be seen, felt, heard, and perhaps grow to greater levels of visibility:

Try your best to embrace this. Accept it is natural, OK, human.
Give it space to simply exist, without so much labeling of whether it is selfish, necessary, deserved… without so much thinking, wondering if it’s right or just ‘attachment.’

Just forget all of that as best you can, and acknowledge that the feeling is here. It’s not a mistake or a flaw in the universe that you feel this, nor do you have to figure out intellectually how to get it met.

The more you allow this to flow, the more it has a natural way of finding where it can best have its needs met.

This will also more naturally bring up the aversions to look at.


The Repulsion Side

Notice any tension, contraction or discomfort in your body around the desire to be seen, if you are in touch with your body enough to do so. Don’t make it ‘wrong’ if you are not.

Examine your thinking, notice if any part of you rejects it, has an opinion about it, says “I don’t need that!” or anything else.

This is always a clue. Things you truly don’t need or don’t care about generally have no emotional charge. I don’t have any inner thoughts or energy saying “I don’t need to watch The View today” I just simply have zero interest, or laugh at the premise.

If past painful experiences or memories come up, be very gentle with this.

Don’t force them, trying to relive them, trying to correct them, or most importantly, trying to interject a philosophical idea such as “the past is the past” or “I should just forgive it and move on” – only if that’s what you actually FEEL.

Notice if you were made to feel weak, wrong, or bad for having a natural desire. If so, consider proposing the question to yourself: who is more likely to know the truth, my body, nature, reality itself, or these people… people who are the type to shame a young person for their feelings?

There are many ways to work with this of course, and I’m happy to explore more based on any questions or comments.

There is also my EFT tapping on fear of being seen here:

Hope it helps, and let me know your questions, comments or concerns.

Remember, you’re not a repair project! 🙂



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