Am I Being a Victim?

by | Oct 27, 2023 | Inner Work | 0 comments

I’ve noticed that people who work on themselves (like you 🙂 tend to have a sense of personal responsibility.

Maybe you don’t like the idea of being in a “victim mindset.” You might ask, what can I do? Am I contributing to the problem?

However, I’ve also noticed from working with people that when real pain emerges from a real wound, based on something that really happened, a self- judgment of “acting like a victim” can arise for having these feelings.

I talk about it more in this video here:

In short, real things have happened to you, and you may have some real open wounds.

In the process of healing them, being present with them, some voices and feelings are likely to arise that might feel clingy, desperate, sad, scared or needing validation.

This does NOT make you a victim.

Allow it to come up. You are brave and courageous for consciously stepping into the pain and seeing whatever happens.

You may rage, scream, cry, have feelings of being powerless (maybe you were) as you process, but that is your gateway to more freedom and personal agency.

Hope it helps!


Video Summary:


Emotional healing is a journey that requires courage, self-awareness, and a clear understanding of our inner world. Often, individuals engaging in emotional or shadow work tend to navigate this path with admirable intentions, striving to take personal responsibility for their actions, thoughts, and feelings. However, it’s crucial to make a distinction between harboring a victim mentality and addressing genuine emotional wounds. In this video, we explore this delicate balance and provide insights on how to navigate emotional pain responsibly and compassionately.

Distinguishing Victim Mentality from Real Pain

A victim mentality is characterized by a persistent identification with past hurts, allowing them to dictate one’s present behavior and relationships. This mindset can lead to a perpetual cycle of blame and inaction. On the other hand, experiencing emotional pain from real events does not automatically place one in the victim category. It’s important to recognize and address our emotional wounds without falling into the trap of victimhood. By doing so, we open ourselves up to genuine healing and transformation.

Embracing Emotional Pain

Acknowledging and embracing our emotional pain is a courageous act. It’s a conscious choice to dive deep into our inner world, face our wounds, and allow ourselves to feel and express our emotions fully, no matter how uncomfortable or cringeworthy they may seem. This process is not about assigning blame or shying away from responsibility; it’s about giving ourselves the space to heal.

The Role of Self-Responsibility

Taking self-responsibility is a crucial aspect of this journey. It means recognizing our role in our experiences without using it as an excuse to avoid facing our pain. Self-responsibility empowers us to be proactive in our healing process, ensuring that we do not remain stuck in a cycle of victimhood and pain.

Support and Resources

Navigating emotional pain is a journey that requires support. There are a number of available resources, including my eBook “You’re Not A Repair Project” to guide individuals through this process. This eBook provides practical tools and perspectives to help individuals talk to themselves compassionately and navigate their emotional world with grace and self-awareness.


Healing from emotional pain is a journey that requires a delicate balance between acknowledging our wounds and taking responsibility for our healing. By distinguishing between a victim mentality and genuine emotional pain, embracing our emotions, and adopting a self-responsible attitude, we pave the way for true healing and transformation. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and support is available to help you navigate your path to emotional wellness.



Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Calming Negative Self-Talk

Calming Negative Self-Talk

Isn't it interesting how we use the phrase "self-talk?" If it's mySELF that is talking, shouldn't I have control over this voice? When it comes to speaking out loud, you can simply stop talking, you...

Your Thought System Affects Everything

Your Thought System Affects Everything

Did you know you have a thought system that deeply affects your emotional work, results and overall happiness? What do I mean by "thought system," and how could it be so important? Well, imagine I...