How safe do you feel right now?
Do things feel OK in your body? Do things feel like they will be OK? Do you feel that you are allowed to relax, feel what you are feeling, be who you are?
Feeling safe is THE most important element in effective inner work or emotional healing.
It is key to explore safety as a starting point, rather than something we hope to arrive at if we finally “get” a teaching or do a process correctly.
This is certainly not an original thought, but I continue to see the truth in it. The more I work on myself, receive work, and facilitate others, the more powerful and obvious it becomes.
Safety has to do with the inner and outer environment we are working within, more than the technique or method used.
Let me repeat that: The environment of safety is more important than any technique. Safety is more important than any philosophy, logic, stimulant, or anything else that can make a certain approach sound great intellectually.
Lack of Safety = Lack of Progress
I have found the issue of safety to be a key aspect of why so many jump from method to method, course to course, teacher to teacher, with a limit on the results.
Deep down, the safety component just isn’t there. No matter how interesting the approach is, how loving the teacher seems, it has to feel safe to move forward.
If your body and nervous system do not feel that you will be OK if certain repressed feelings are felt, memories explored, or energy moves in the body, it will resist ANY process quite effectively.
In order for emotions to come to the surface, be felt or released, it has to feel safe for THEM inside to do so.
No matter how much “digging” or “releasing” you try to do, it will be capped by what is determined safe to come up.
You cannot force things to come up no matter how much you believe it is for the best.
- Parts of you that feel judged and diminished… that feel that they shouldn’t show themselves, will not do so.
- You cannot use logic or reverse psychology to try to get things to open up inside of you.
- You cannot just say phrases like “it’s safe here” or “I feel safe” if it’s not the reality of your inner experience.
I feel it would be highly valuable for everyone engaged in inner work, and spiritual seeking as well, to put more focus on learning what safety is and how it feels for YOU.
Less interest on the mechanics of techniques, what we agree or disagree with, what teachers seem legit or not, what courses to take or not to take…
and more focus on: how safe do I feel in my body and emotions right now? What helps me feel or know that I am safe – or at least a little bit safer?
Make Safety the Priority
This subject of feeling safe can so easily be dismissed by our minds.
It’s not black or white – safe or unsafe.
There is an incredible level of nuance in what it means to feel safe. There is a difference between a tiger chasing you, and a tightness in your solar plexus that does not want you starting to look at the subject of money.
Spend some time examining:
What does safety actually feel like – where do I feel different degrees of it? Can I lean into that feeling and get to know it better?
What environments and people make me feel more relaxed?
When I sit down to do a process or meditate, is it making me feel MORE safe and relaxed, or do things get tense because they sense I am trying ‘work’ on them?
This is very key to examine and get to know.
Only YOU Know
ONLY you know what makes you feel safer.
NEVER believe anyone who says certain things will make you feel safe, or that you should just trust them or the process if your gut tells you otherwise.
Do not take it personally and do not be concerned if others take it personally.
Your body may not feel safe working with someone because they remind you of someone, or their voice, or their gender and an associated trauma – it is what it is! Safety is all that matters.
We often need the presence of others for things to relax inside.
I have found some amazing experiences with body-work recently where the combination of someone physically working on muscles while bringing up emotion was powerful.
For others that may be the worst possible thing at the moment.
You may need to be alone at the moment. Perhaps with recordings or perhaps with nothing other than yourself.
Just trust that what makes you feel safe is going to be the most effective, period! (In my opinion of course 🙂
Lean into the people, environments, methods and ways of being with yourself that create a greater sense of safety. Just sitting in a place that makes you feel comfortable is going to accomplish more than trying to dig deep into some process that deep down isn’t matching.
I have some EFT tappings on my YouTube channel around safety and the body, or feeling safe to feel your feelings.
Feel free to book a free 1-on-1 chat with me and see if exploring this with me helps you feel more safe, and allows for greater progress. That is always my intention, but remember ONLY you know, and nothing works for everyone!
“someone physically working on muscles while bringing up emotion”
Alexander Lowen may have pioneered this type of work.
I went to a practitioner once (for a few sessions.)
and just can’t find one close enough right now, but very interesting form of therapy.