I recently worked with a woman with a huge heart and wonderful, giving nature about her.
There are many people in need in her community, as well as many valuable causes and organizations. She feels a strong desire to support them in many ways, including financially, on top of her own bills and expenses that we all deal with.
It seemed that every time money did come in, there were so many places it absolutely needed to go, as quickly as possible. Holding on to any of it was simply not an option.
How many of you have experienced something similar to this?
Perhaps, even the thought of keeping some of that money may feel selfish and irresponsible. Especially if there is a sense of urgency in where that money needs to go, whether it is bills, supporting others, or both.
That sense of urgency is what needs to be addressed first, on an inner-experience level. Any theory about saving money or growth is not going to penetrate that raw, physical sense of earnestness.
Taking a deep breath and feeling into that physical and emotional sense of “this money needs to go there, there, and there, now” is critical, along with examining why it is so important and necessary on both a feeling and philosophical level.
It may feel like giving all you can is not nearly enough, but you must, because every bit helps. Maybe there is a sense of needing to catch-up, like you are chasing something from behind. This is just one example of many feelings that could arise as you explore.
EFT tapping, journaling, speaking aloud — some type of physical engagement of the body as you uncover these feelings is very powerful.
It is important to give space to feelings like this, and acknowledge that you do honestly believe in the causes and perceived needs or where that money must go now. Otherwise, the idea of paying yourself or saving will feel like a contrary, disrespectful idea that will create a strong inner conflict.
“I should pay myself” vs. “it needs to go here” as two enemies battling for position.
The only way the mind knows how to deal with such inner conflicts is to constantly go back and forth between the two sides, trying to rationalize one perspective. Maybe convince itself it’s ‘made a decision’ only to bounce back moments later.
As you continue to explore and express what you are feeling in an accepting way, you can explore whether or not having some of your own money as a resource that can grow and expand, can actually contribute more to the cause as well as yourself.
Imagine you are growing your own garden that continues to expand, vs. giving away any fruit or seeds the moment they come into your life. This is just one of infinite ways you can examine this perspective.
It’s something to be felt into, to find what works for you. You’re not trying to force this perspective in because you read it from a financial book. You are looking for that sense of how a different behavior can actually feel like it is contributing positively.
You’re also not trying to enforce a cold concept, such as saving x%, when it feels like a homework assignment. When it honestly feels to you that a course of action can improve your own well-being while contributing in an even better way, shifts can take place naturally.
Here is her feedback after working with this:
I hope you will explore this a bit yourself if you feel it applies to you. Keep us posted with any questions, comments or feedback in the comments below!
Thank you for sharing this post. The title caught my eye because since the beginning of the COVID-19 Pandemic, I have felt a strong urge to give constantly of my time and resources to help others in need. That desire to give is not a negative thing, in of itself. But I appreciated the suggestion that “you can explore whether or not having some of your own money as a resource that can grow and expand, can actually contribute more to the cause as well as yourself.” I also appreciated her insight that: “For a while now I have had… Read more »
Thanks for sharing Johanna. It is definitely a common theme for people with a giving, help-others nature about them to push through and not be focused on themselves or their own needs. Seeing that taking some time and resources for your own well-being actually makes you able to offer more, that it is a total win-win, can help get everything within you on the same page rather than in conflict. The session and follow-up letter referenced in this post all took place before we were in global pandemic status, so I appreciate you bringing up how this situation can make… Read more »